Ariel vs. Moana (feat. Janaya Mahealani Jones, Cole Gerdes & Geoff Bisente) [explicit]
Whitney Avalon
Ariel versus Moana
Let the rap battle begin
[Ariel and Eric]
It's our sunny honeymoon, and a beat is how we're greeted?
I thought we'd get lei'd, I feel a bit cheated
We're out of your league, Urchin, be seated
Prepare to get–what's that word again? Defeated
Plot armor so preposterous, with a God as your guide
Little Miss Maritime Mary Sue, couldn't die if she tried (yeah)
A slapdash live-action encore, that nobody asked for?
CG to the sea floor, cash grab from a cheap oar
Oh, no, Mo, you think that leaving is leading
Hey, at least now your island, can stop inbreeding
You ran away from your father? Sang songs of the sea?
A gal with animal pals? Bitch, stop copying me
[Moana and Maui]
Fish please, we'll send you crackers packin'
Thus far your bars are lackin', so let's get kraken (woo)
Sea witch got your tongue? You read that contract yet?
The con artist convinced you and dad paid your debt
Look at the trouble you caused with your shellfish behavior
You chose to be a damsel, I chose to be a savior
Pampered deep-sea princess somehow still fucked up
And ever since you got your voice back, you just won't shut up (ha, ha, ha)
The whoppers never stop with this dinglehopper dork
Daddy's famous for his trident but you've never seen a fork?
These fish gonna wish we'd stop kicking their butts
In the words of my people: Consider these coconuts
[Ariel and Eric]
I won't stand the sleights and slander from this counterfeit commander
'Cause her animals can't answer and her storylines meander (oh)
My Oscar-winning soundtrack? Disney romance propaganda
Though odd quirk we've both worked with Lin-Manuel Miranda
Chee-who can't sing a lick, what's wrong with Dwayne's throat?
In his acting and his songs he only hits one note
Been a wet dream since the '80s my fans' thirst can't be quenched
More drip than the Euphrates, call me Dame Judi Drenched
[Moana and Maui]
We'll paddle your ass and launch you back in the drink
A beatdown so epic Maui'll get it in ink
How convenient that she found A prince who instantly adored her
[Moana, Ariel, Maui and Eric]
You're a narcissist
You're a pretty boy
You're a runaway
You're a hoarder
So you caught a generic Eric who thought you looked delicious?
He must be a pescetarian 'cause he sleeps with the fishes
Congratulations, chum, your motives make me sick
You gave up your larynx to make space for Moby Dick
[Ariel and Eric]
I was studying humans, not chasing a ring
Part of this world, now I'm the girl, who has everything
This Ariel assault will show that your flow is bogus
And you both should know this: You blow more than blowfish
Your shipmates are morons so are Porky and your cock
A semi-fraud demigod, this squad's as dumb as a Rock
Check this shapeshifter grifter with a hook that's faulty
You're surprised that I'm mad? I was born salty
[Moana]
You want to kiss the girl? Heihei will cock block you
Not a princess or a queen but we will volcanic rock you
Buh-buh-buh-buh-babbling like a brook Shelly Shelltits is shook
We're just starting to cook, Maui, give 'em the hook
Woo, these freaks should retreat before the heat starts to melt 'em
Ungrateful daughter of the water you've worn out your welcome (your welcome)
This sea cow will see how a chief takes a bow
Give it up, little guppy, I'm the captain now
[Ariel]
Fuck the plucky little goals of you poor unfortunate souls
Oh, you're cozy with the ocean that my family controls?
How far can you row? Why don't you go see?
You're a wreck, hit the deck and fathoms blow me
[Moana]
I'm the next tribal leader a stellar star reader
Riding high upon the waves over sucker bottom feeders
My disses hotter than a geyser burnin' this seafood appetizer
The surf is my turf, fuck off, colonizer