Porcelan Veins
Alvaro
Shh
Can you hear it
They think I don't feel
But I do
I remember
They stitched my smile across my face
Painted calm I can't erase
Glass eyes wide, forever bright
But I am screaming every night
They curled my hair with careful hands
Turned my bones to plastic strands
Sat me gently on a throne
Told me you'll never be alone
But lonely echoes in my chest
A hollow knock that will not rest
Something human, buried deep
That never learned how not to weep
If I crack, will I feel pain
Or does porcelain break in vain
Why does my chest still try to beat
When I was told I'm incomplete
I wanna be normal again
I want blood inside my veins
I want bruises that can heal
I want something real
I wanna be made of flesh once more
Not polished skin and factory core
Pull these strings out of my spine
This painted smile isn't mine
They placed me high upon a shelf
A perfect doll, devoid of self
Children laugh and hold me tight
But they don't hear me cry at night
Down the hall, I hear them move
Other toys that never improve
Whispers crawling through the air
We were alive, that isn't fair
Dust collects along my dress
But I remember tenderness
Warm hands, a beating heart
Before they tore my world apart
My joints creak softly in the dark
Like something's trying to restart
A memory I shouldn't keep
A soul that plastic couldn't sleep
I wanna be normal again
I wanna feel the cold and rain
I wanna fall and scrape my knees
Not stand here frozen endlessly
I wanna be made of flesh once more
Not hollow echoes at my core
Rip the stitches from my grin
Let the real me crawl from within
If you cut me open wide
You won't find stuffing inside
You'll find a name I used to know
A life they buried long ago
You think that dolls don't cry at all
Then why are there stains along the wall
It isn't water
It isn't glue
It's something red
Breaking through
Sometimes my fingers twitch alone
Not controlled by gears or tone
It's like my body's trying to say
I wasn't always made this way
I hear a voice that calls my name
Not the one they print for fame
Another name, soft and small
The one I had before the fall
I'm not a doll
I wasn't born this way
Give me back my skin
Let me decay
I wanna be normal again
I wanna breathe without this hiss
I wanna scream without this grin
I wanna exist
I wanna be made of flesh once more
With scars that mean something real
Not trapped inside eternal shine
Pretending I don't feel
If you hear tiny footsteps behind you
Don't turn around
It might just be a doll
Or maybe
It's someone trying to remember
How to be human again