If I Disappear Will You Look For Me?
Luke Lotus
Some days I feel like I'm slowly fading out
Like a voice you hear but never really hear
I smile, I speak, I stay around
But inside I'm already not here
I learned how to exist without taking space
How to be quiet, easy, small
I mastered the art of being needed
But never the art of being held at all
I watch you live like I'm a detail
Like I'm a line you could erase
And it scares me how invisible I am
Standing right in front of your face
And in the silence after I speak
There's a question I'm too afraid to say
If I vanish into the dark
Would you notice I'm gone away?
If I disappear, will you look for me?
Or will I just become a memory you keep?
Will you feel the emptiness I leave behind
Or will the world replace me with time?
If I disappear, will you call my name?
Or will my absence feel the same?
I'm still here, I'm still breathing, barely free
But I need to know if you'd look for me
Would you look for me?
In the quiet, in the night?
Would you look for me?
When I'm no longer in your sight?
I've been drowning in rooms full of people
Screaming inside without making a sound
I give my heart like it's something disposable
And act surprised when it's never found
I keep leaving pieces of me everywhere
In conversations, in beds, in songs
Hoping someone will notice I'm missing
Before I'm completely gone
I'm tired of proving I deserve to stay
Of fighting just to be seen
I'm tired of feeling like a ghost
In someone else's dream
And when the lights go out on me
And I finally stop pretending to be strong
If my name becomes a whisper in your mouth
Will you miss it when it's gone?
If I disappear, will you look for me?
Or will I just become a memory you keep?
Will you feel the emptiness I leave behind
Or will the world replace me with time?
If I disappear, will you call my name?
Or will my absence feel the same?
I'm still here, I'm still breathing, barely free
But I need to know if you'd look for me
Would you look for me?
When the days get cold and long?
Would you look for me?
When you realize something's wrong?
I don't want to disappear, I just want to matter
I don't want to be a wound you heal and forget
I don't want to fade like smoke in the air
Like a love you never really met
So if I fall apart, please see me fall
If I go silent, please hear my scream
If I stop existing in front of your eyes
It's not because I left, it's because I was never seen
I'm not asking you to save my life
I'm just asking you to stay
To look for me in the dark
When I can't find my own way
If I disappear, will you look for me?
Or will I just become a memory you keep?
Will you feel the emptiness I leave behind, l
Or will the world replace me with time?
If I disappear, will you call my name?
Or will my absence feel the same?
I'm still here, I'm still breathing, barely free
But I need to know if you'd look for me?
Would you look for me
If I disappear?