Bittersweet
Luke Lotus
I wake up every morning fighting two versions of me
One that still whispers your name like a prayer in the dark
And another that remembers how you taught my heart to bleed
How love felt like a home and a war in the same arms
I collect all the reasons I should let you go
Line them up like soldiers guarding my pride
But at night they all desert me, one by one
And I'm left alone with the truth I still try to hide
I hate the way you still feel like mine
I hate the way my body forgets the pain
I hate that missing you feels like breathing
Like something I'll never escape
And in the quiet between the hate and the love
There's a fragile place where I still belong
Where my heart breaks slow enough
To almost feel like a song
It's bittersweet, loving you like this
With poison on my lips and your name in my chest
I swear I'm done, I swear I'm free
But I still fall every time I sleep
It's bittersweet, this victory
'Cause losing you is killing me gently
I hate you, I love you, I always will
That's the part I can't kill
Bittersweet
You still taste like everything I lost
Bittersweet
You still feel like almost
I tried to rewrite the ending, change the tone of the past
Tell myself the love was just a beautiful mistake
But my hands still reach for you out of habit
Like my soul never learned to separate
I see your shadow in strangers' eyes
Hear your voice in every goodbye
And I swear I'm stronger every day
Until the nights remind me I'm still not fine
I blame you, I blame me, I blame time
I blame the way we burned too bright
But if I'm honest, in my worst moments
I'd still choose you, every time
And in the space where the anger fades
There's a love I never outgrew
A soft, stupid, beautiful ache
That still feels like you
It's bittersweet, loving you like this
With poison on my lips and your name in my chest
I swear I'm done, I swear I'm free
But I still fall every time I sleep
It's bittersweet, this victory
'Cause losing you is killing me gently
I hate you, I love you, I always will
That's the part I can't kill
Bittersweet
You're the wound that never closed
Bittersweet
You're the dream I almost chose
If love was a crime, I'd confess to you
If hate was enough, I'd be healed by now
But I'm standing in the ruins of what we were
Still building a home out of the ashes somehow
I screamed your name just to hear my own voice
I broke my heart just to feel something real
And I finally see the truth I was avoiding
I don't miss you, I miss who I was when love didn't hurt like this
So I let you go while holding you tight
I walk away but I'm still inside
I bury us slowly, line by line
And cry for the love that will never die
It's bittersweet, loving you like this
With poison on my lips and your name in my chest
I swear I'm done, I swear I'm free
But I still fall every time I sleep
It's bittersweet, this victory
'Cause losing you is killing me gently
I hate you, I love you, I always will
That's the part I can't kill
Bittersweet
And maybe one day it won't hurt like this
Bittersweet
But today, it still exists